I was always an awkward child. My limbs were far too long and jointed at inconvenient intervals, and most of the time they were only nominally under my control. I had a loud voice, unusual politics, a wonky jaw, and an instinctual aversion to wearing bright colours.

It’s a miracle that I was never particularly into computer games.

I have my liberal-interventionist parents to thank for that: video games were awful and violent, and on no account was I to grow up to be some kind of thug. But Age of Empires II was an exception. Given its historical setting, I could make the case for the game being “educational” and therefore wholesome; as a result, I played it religiously from the age of nine until I was slightly too far into my teens. Even now, I have fond memories of it.